It is great to have (ABK - Anyone But Kentucky) Marc Powell's entry name awards back after a 2 year hiatus.
These do not replace or name the Annual Best Entry Name Award, the voting for which is STILL OPEN!! DROP an email NOW (or after reading the below) and vote for your favorite 2015 Entry Name!!!
2015 Hopski Awards
After a several year hiatus, the highly coveted Hopski
Awards are back! Just what are the
Hopski Awards? Well, it’s just one
man’s quick review and analysis of the Entry Names, which seemed to become an
annual competition for several years, but having reviewed this year’s entries,
I gotta admit, you people are pretty lame and losing your creativity these
days!
Where’s the creativity of old? Where are the brilliant movie
references? Where are the current events
and political scandal statements? Where
are the offensive and controversial entry names? With all that’s going on in the world today,
not to mention with Google at your fingertips, how hard can it be to come up
with something better than “The Other Matt Powell” as an entry name? Then again, my “ABK (Anyone but Kentucky)” wasn’t
exactly creative, although it was ironically enough identical to Jeff Wagoner!
Here are all the great potential names/themes that we let
slip by:
- · The Ghost of Dean Smith
- · Nothing about Iran’s Nukes and destroying the Middle East?
- · Nothing about Bubba Clinton’s Fantasy Sex Island?
- · Hands Up, Don’t Shoot My Bracket?
- · All Brackets Matter?
- · Miss me yet? (George W Bush’s bracket)
- · CREAN SUCKS!
- · What Difference Does it Make?
- · Valerie Jarrett’s Picks on Behalf of Obama?
- · If You Like Your Picks, You Can Keep Them?
·
How about those movies name parodies…
o “Willing
to Meet My Creator and Answer for Every Pick I Made” (Chris Kyle – American
Sniper… American HERO).
o Grand
Budapest Bracket?
o Selma
March Madness?
o Oprah’s
Bracket was Snubbed?
o Equal
Payout For Women Wining the Hopski!
* All in good fun
people… relax! If you’re offended, then
just remember I’m from Indiana… I’m one of those ‘closest discriminators’ just
lurking in the shadows and waiting for this RFRA law to be passed so I could
legally discriminate! Ughhh… don’t get
me started!
Ok, so this doesn’t mean there was zero creativity this year. As usual, I had to dig out a thesaurus and Google
a number of entries just to have a clue what they meant. And others, I still have no idea the meaning
or context (“Teen Girl Squad”, “SBI Giraffes”, “Hize Lubes”, “Niparoo3”)???
But without further delay, here are your categories,
nominees and winners. But first, a quick
reminder, this is just an exhibition, this is not a competition, so please, no
wagering on the winners!
We’ll get things started slowly… to reflect that I had to
dig deep this year with categories:
Best Use of
Alliteration in an Entry Name:
|
1. Wiltjer's Warriors!
(Iantosca, Scott)
|
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2. Underwood's Underwear
(Stevens, Tom)
3. Living Large in Lexington
(Quasha, Grant)
|
Winner: Livin Large in Lexinton… Triple L’s… nicely
done!
Best Use of Current
Events in an Entry Name:
|
1. Live from Ebola-land
(Grundberg, Julie)
|
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2. My picks? Killed them
all. of course. (Kwitnieski, Stan)
|
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3. The Greg Anthony Escort
Service (South, Ron)
|
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4. Another Planes missing?
(Curtis, Bob)
|
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5. Hillary Clinton deleted
my good bracket (Beck, Marc)
|
|
6. Hillary's server: please
delete this mail (Holding, Kent)
|
Winner: Hard to dismiss another good Clinton
scandal, but if we gave awards for those, we’d be here all day… winner is “My
picks? Killed them all. Of course”.
That Durst guy is a dumbass.
Most “Factual” Entry
Name:
These are just entry names I found to be “true” or agree
with… nothing special, but factoids!
|
1. I've Made a Huge Mistake
(Paul, Beth)
|
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2. Never pick with your
heart (Kozlak, Joe)
|
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3. Slipping Below Mediocrity
(Gates, Eric)
|
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4. Adam Morrison Has Two
Rings (Keeley, James)
|
|
5. I Hate James Harden
(Becker, Kyle)
|
|
6. Kentucky vs. The Field
(Rantala, Lance)
|
Winner: Never pick with your heart is a given, as is
Gates’ slipping below mediocrity… and I hate James Harden… and It’s definitely
UK vs the Field… but the winner is “I’ve Made a Huge Mistake”… Picking
Villanova and Iowa State for the Final 4 was a mistake… Fortunately, you’re
still holding on with Wisconsin!
Entry Names I found
to be Personally Funny:
|
1. Anyone but Kentucky
(Wagoner, Jeff)
|
|
2. Damn It Boy (miller,
jeffrey)
|
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3. Calipari’s Recruiting
Budget (Whip, Matt)
|
|
4. John Calipari Center for
Kids Who Can't Read Good (Fazio, Ryan)
|
Winner: Come on Wags? Seriously?
I love a good Calipari/UK reference, so the winner is: “John Calipari Center for Kids Who Can’t Read
Good”. Hilarious… and maybe close to
being winner of the prior “factoid” category!
Best Hoops Related
Entry Name:
Just fun twists on hoops and the game
|
1. High Ayatolla of Slamola
(wojt, tom)
|
|
2. H to the IZZO (Whip,
Benjamin)
|
Winner: Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands
together for the amazing H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A… the 8th
wonder of the world. Fo’ shizzle my
nizzle used to dribble down in the VA!
The “Huh” Entry Name
Award… I still don’t understand what they mean:
|
1. All About The Eclipse
(Iantosca, David)
|
|
2. Down on the Upside
(McGuill, Dylan)
|
|
3. LavinsTurtleNecks
(Iudica, David)
|
|
4. Milo MacNutts (Gates,
Eric)
|
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5. Party like a 3L (Kenney,
Sky)
|
|
6. Upside Down (McGuill,
Dylan)
|
|
7. Working Class Hero Crap
(Hopper, Ola)
|
|
8. Can't send a team to the
Dance since 1693 (de Weydenthal, Nick)
|
Winner: I have no idea what these are about… so I’ll
go with the dual entries from Dylan McGuill of “Upside Down” and “Down on the
Upside”… nicely done tag team.
Best Use of Indiana
Basketball in an Entry Name:
|
1. Indiana Is Underseeded
(Johnson, Michelle)
|
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2. Jordan Fuchs You Fuchs Me
(McLaughlin, Andrew)
|
|
3. Just Leave Crean, I'M
BEGGING YOU! (Heldman, Dave)
|
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4. 1976 Lives On!!!
(Johnson, Michelle)
|
|
5. In Memory of the Wigwam
(Townsend, Darin)
|
Winner: Nice shoutout to the Wigwam King, but I can’t
resist a good Crean flogging… winner is “Just Leave Crean, I’M BEGGING
YOU!”. Amen.
Most Creative Entry
Name:
|
1. On the Bubble Butt (Beck,
Mary)
|
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2. Show Me The Drachma
(Iantosca,David)
|
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3. Fried Calapari (Seib,
Joe)
|
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4. Wildcat anyway you slice
it (Libby, Pat)
|
|
5. The Contrarian Crossover (Bowers,
Kyle)
6. Just say No to Kentucky
(Schulz, Ted)
|
Winner: Some strong
entries here… former Lifetime Achievement Award winner Mary Beck always brings
it… she must be in marketing or something!
Still laugh about “All knocked up and looking to dance”… ha. Fried Calapari is a nice twist. Nice move reference with Show me the
Drachma. And I always love a good Reagan
throwback to Nancy and “Just say No”, but for some reason the Contrarian
Crossover is intriguing and different enough to earn top honors this year in my
book.
Lifetime Achievement
Award –
This Year’s Award goes to someone who gave 5 submissions
this year and each reflected consistent use of the same theme and sexual
innuendo’s. Congratulations to David
Miller… I think? Not sure who this cat
is, but your therapist may want to know about all of this… funny!
|
1. Big Hands, Small Balls
(Miller, David)
|
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2. Excuse me while I wipe
the salt off my balls (Miller, David)
|
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3. It's all about the balls
(Miller, David)
|
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4. IU, Premature Evacuation
(Miller, David)
|
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5. Don't get the Kitty Wet
(Miller, David)
|
Best Use of
Music/Entertainer in Entry Name:
|
1. Gunter Glieben Glouten
Globen (Powell, Matt)
|
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2. Haters Gonna Hate. Nofe
It Off... Nofe It Off. (Noferi, Mark)
|
|
3. Taylor Swift's Got Base
(Rockwell, Holly)
|
Winner: Oh, how I miss Mel Hopper’s annual
Brittney’s Breasts bracket, but there are clearly some closet Taylor Swift fans
in the group… Easy win for “Haters Gonna Hate.
Nofe It Off… Nofe It Off”. Well
played sir.
Best Use of Your Own
Name in an Entry Name… aka “The Come on Man Award”:
|
1. Herrold's Heroes
(Herrold, John)
|
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2. Loscudo's Losers
(Loscudo, Joe)
|
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3. Lyon's Locks (Lyon, Bill)
|
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4. Vinsanity2015 (Sollecito,
Vincent)
|
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5. Joey Brackets (Wagoner,
Joey)
|
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6. Joe Droz Sheet of
Integrity (Drozdowski, Joe)
|
Winner: Not too creative, but the tie breaker goes
to the kid who nailed the final 4 teams and is poised to take some money, and
to steal some money from me if Wisconsin wins it all! Well done Joey Brackets!
Most Original Entry Name:
|
1. Scream if you want to go
faster (Kenney, Darren)
|
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2. Tigers Front Tooth (Adam,
Nick)
|
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3. Job at the Y (Dress,
Jimmy)
|
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4. Live from the Emergency
Room (Szczerba, Victor)
|
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5. Ray Rice's Left Hook Em
Horns (Lowery, David)
|
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6. I'm Taking My Talents to
the Title (Townsend, Darin)
|
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7. Seriously Bro? (miller,
jeffrey)
|
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8. Prone to error (Maloney,
Mike)
|
Winner: I guess these could be creative, but I’ve
just never read entries like them, nor do I know what they mean… Emergency
Room? Winner is “Ray Rice’s Left Hook Em
Horns”
Best Use of Politics
in an Entry Name:
|
1. Cuttin Down the
Net-anyahu (Obama, Barack)
|
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2. My other bracket is on my
personal server (Genty, Ron)
|
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3. Putin was just working on
Hopski prep (Travers, Brian)
|
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4. Secret Server's Son
(Genty, Clayton)
|
Winner: Hands down… my
other bracket is on my personal server.
Barack Obama’s bracket won’t win anything, although he may win another
peace price for striking a ridiculous deal with people who state they want to
kill American, arm our enemies to fight against us and are about as
untrustworthy as they come. But I
digress (Hop warned you all I’m a “right winger”… Powell2016)
Most Pornographic
Entry Name:
These may or may not be pornographic, but they’re sure
borderline!
|
1. BlueBallBuster (Hawkins,
Deb)
|
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2. Ashley's Judds (LaFever,
William)
|
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3. Ashley's Juggs (Baum,
Jay)
|
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4. Lubed & Ready
(Lubreski, Don)
|
Winner: This was a hard
one… but hands-down the winner I s“Lubed & Ready” (puns intended)
Best Use of a TV Show
in an Entry Name:
|
1. Better Ball Saul (Hopper,
Mark)
|
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2. Breaking a Bad Bracket
(Menzel, David)
|
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3. Drogon Goes West
(Novesky, Keir)
|
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4. Flaxon Jackson Waxon
(Jackson, Aaron)
|
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5. God Hates Gingers... I Do
Too (Springer, john)
|
Winner: I love a good
South Park and Tosh.O call out with Gingers… and Flaxon Jackson Waxon is
hilarious… Drogon (Game of Thrones?) is great… Breaking Bad is so “last year”…
so the winner is “Better Ball Saul”… which I guess could have gone in the prior
category also! Great show…
Worst Repetitious
Overuse of a Name Seemingly Every Year:
|
1. Excuse Me While I Whip
This Out (Schoenstein, Eric)
|
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2. Pet The Sweaty (Paquette,
Pat)
|
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3. Release the Kraken
(Iantosca, Mark)
|
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4. Sweat the Petty
(Luebbert, Jeff)
|
Loser: All of you… come on gang… come up with
something new next year!
Best Use of a
TV/Celebrity in a Lead or Starring Role of an Entry Name:
|
1. Bieber Celebrity Roast?
The End MUST Be Near (Schoenstein, Eric)
|
|
2. Bill Cosby Roofied My
Bracket (Hoaglund, Scott)
|
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3. The Dirty Cosby
(Hoaglund, Scott)
|
Winner: Clearly anything related to Bill Cosby is
the winner… as this guy is apparently bullet proof. Unbelievable.
Winner is “Bill Cosby Roofied My Bracket”
Hopski Dance-Off
Awards:
Lastly, here’s a new category for each of you to play along
at home and decide on your own. Best Dance performance at a basketball game by
a fan, player, usher or actor:
Nominee 1: Peyton
“Peanut” dancing at Rupp Arena at Sweet 16:
Nominee 2: Crazy
Dancing UNF fan:
Nominee 3: NBA Usher vs. Kid Dance Off: Battle for the Ages
Nominee 4: Frank the
Tank Kaminsky Breaks it Down after Elite 8 Win:
Nominee 5: Jackie Moon – Love Me Sexy:
Enjoy… Go Wisconsin!!
Marc
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