It’s time for the highly coveted Hopski Entry
Name Awards! One man’s personal review and
selection of the best names in various categories. Often imitated, but never duplicated, let’s
get the party started!
This year’s Entry Names have
continued the same downward spiral of creativity that we’ve seen in recent
years. Apparently gone are the days of beautifully
crafted double entendre names or names that end up as nominees in my
favorite former category of “Entry Names that only make sense after Googling or
checking Urban Dictionary”. Even the risqué names are not what they used
to be… although there was one entry name
that definitely as lewd as they come!
Speaking of a total lack of creativity… who’s
the Nike genius that came up with the “Always Reppin’” slogan? I’m sure someone was paid quite well to come
up with that, but I think it was a total miss and they should be “you’re fired”
in true Trump fashion! I’m sure the
slogan will be better next year when America is made great again!?!?
To begin this year’s Hopskis ceremony with our first Award,
let’s continue the creativity theme by “celebrating” those of you who keep
recycling previously used entry names! C’mon
man!
This year’s “C’mon
Man… get a different Entry Name” nominees are:
· In Roy We Trust (Mark Iantosca)
· Pet the Sweaty (Pat Paquette)
· When I Think of You, I Touch Bill Self (Michael Hoss)
· Joey Brackets (Joey Wagoner)
Joey Brackets gets a pass… didn’t he win last year? You have to stick with the winning entry name
out of pure superstition and for bragging rights! It may finally be an Iantosca year in riding
the UNC Tarheel train, but “In Roy We Trust” has been over played… c’mon man! And after several years, I still have no idea
what “Pet the Sweaty” means!
And the first Hopski Award of 2016 goes to:
When I think of you, I Touch Bill Self (Michael Hoss)
I’d personally be happy if I never saw this entry
name ever again, let alone multiple versions of it in the same pool year! C’mon man! This Entry Name originated in the
Hopski in 2014 by Matt Powell (the REAL Matt Powell), where it won a Hopski for
Best Use of a Coach’s Name in an Entry!
What’s in a Name?
So what constitutes a good Entry Name? A little bit of creativity, coupled with
something either timely (current events) or timeless (classic movie quotes)? Self-deprecation about oneself or one’s favorite
team? A slam against your most hated
Hoops rival, player or coach? Maybe a
well-constructed political jab?
In analyzing ESPN bracket names from the past 5
years, some of the more common entry names include:
· Full Metal Bracket
· Cinderella Story
· Frank the Tank
· March Sadness
· Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
· Church of Bracketology
· I Hate Christian Laettner
It is estimated that approximately 40 million Americans created
an NCAA bracket this year. According to
ESPN, more than 75% of all bracket pickers leave their bracket name as their
ESPN username. The current ESPN leaderboard has the following entries atop their
overall standings:
· LENNY_CUSE
· Kevin moll
· Orange Crush
· Andrew_574222
· Tony’s Bracket
· Espn6404078
· ChrisC9UNC
So I guess the Hopski group’s creativity maybe isn’t all
that lame after all? In fact, I guess
we’re collectively well “above average”?
Then again, almost 1 in 5 Hopski Entry Names this year were related in
some way to Donald Trump, so even to this “right wing” Conservative, that
doesn’t bode well for any of us! However,
it seems that the desire to “win, win, win” must be infectious and has brought
out the optimism in nearly 20% of the bracket names!
Here are some of the better bracket names I’ve
seen so far this year, just to get you thinking ahead to next year and the all
of the great categories of Hopski Entry Name Awards on the line!
· The Louisville Escorts
· This Whole Things a Bracket
· Fast Breaking Bad
· Definitely In My Izzone
· Hoops, There it Is
Now
back to more Awards and Making the Hopskis Great Again!
In a new 2016 category of “Best use of ‘Trump’ in an Entry Name”, the nominees are:
· Trump/Laettner 2016 – No Thanks (Matt Briesch)
· Small Hands = Bad Hopski Picks (Brian Travers)
· My hands are small but this bracket is HUUUUUUGGGE (Michael
Hoss)
· Make Hopski Great Again (Michael Fazio)
· Big Hands, Big Bracket (Mary Beck)
· You can’t spell Triumph without T-R-U-M-P (Joe Drozdowski)
· I’ve got a huge Boehner for Donald Trump (Phil Purevich)
· I’m going to win so much, I get bored with winning (Benjamin
Whip)
· Orange Man with Big Hands (Eric Gates)
There were about 25 more
“Trumps” to choose from, but these were the best of the best. The Trump/Laettner combo receives extra
credit, but I promise you this, the winner I pick will be the greatest entry name
this country has ever seen! It’s going
to be a HUGE name and so much better than all of those other stupid entry
names. And trust me, those other names
are as ugly and stupid as Rosie!
And the Hopski for “Best use of “Trump” in an Entry Name” goes to:
My hands
are small but this bracket is HUUUUUUGGGE (Michael Hoss)
I’ll
resist my normal urge to spin up a political rant here… the whole election
cycle already has me annoyed on many levels.
Suffice to say, it’s time to throw all the career politicians out… it’s
become a totally corrupt machine on both sides!
Moving on…
The Nominees for “Best use of Politics & Current Events with a non-Trump Entry Name” are:
· Mid-Major Lives Matter (Beth Paul)
· ElChapoPennedmyBrackets (David Lowery)
· Will Big Willy Get Monica to Intern Again? (Michael Doud)
· Contested National Champion (Bryan Robson)
Heavy Trump turnout greatly narrowed this field of nominees,
but some well-formed entries here for sure!
And the Hopski goes to:
Mid-Major
Lives Matter (Beth Paul)
In this politically correct world, I’m sure Beth will be
forced to apologize for her “discriminatory” name just as Democratic
Presidential candidate Martin O’Malley had to apologize for having the audacity
to say that “all lives matter”. #AllLivesMatter
In the Open Category of “Best Entry Name related to NCAA Basketball”, the nominees are:
· Pitino’s Pimp Hand (Michael Rupp)
· Over/Under: Ben Simmon’s GPA vs. Perfect Bracket (William
LeFever)
· Let’s Go B1G! (Randy Scheuneman)
Pitino is too easy of a target. We visited Ben Simmons’ classes to get his
comment, but he of course was not in attendance.
The Hopski goes to:
Let’s Go
B1G! (Randy Scheuneman)
Even though I think the B1G Ten logo is ridiculous … and
that there were better options for expansion than Rutgers… I like the homage
here. Too bad the B1G TEN flopped this
year worse than Jeb!
While I’m typically opposed to any pool that rewards for last place or offers a “second chance” pool, the Nominees for the “Best Entry Name in the 2nd Chance Dance” are:
· Can Jeb! Get a second chance? (Brian Travers)
· I’ve been waiting for this since game 1 (Michael Hoss)
· Screwed by Sparty (Marc Beck)
· Lewinsky’s 2nd Shot in the West Wing (James
Keeley)
· And I totally redeemed myself! (Kyle Lodder)
Some
good’uns here that could’ve spanned several categories, but second chance names
only get one chance at a Hopski Award.
Much like the GOP primaries, “Can Jeb!” didn’t get many votes.
Lewinsky’s “2nd Shot” is brilliant… although, wouldn’t Bubba be the one
that actually getting the “Shot”? Many
entries were screwed by the early Sparty exit.
And I love the optimism of “I’ve been waiting”… thanks for your donation
to this year’s pool!
But the Hopski for best 2nd Chance Dance goes to:
And I
totally redeemed myself! (Kyle Lodder)
I admittedly give huge bonus points for movie/TV
entertainment-themed names, but the The Dumb & Dumber play here is
outstanding from a 2nd chance perspective! Golf clap Kyle!! Well played sir!
Speaking of Movies, the Nominees for “Best use of a Movie/TV in an Entry Name” are:
· Cadwallader University (Tom Wojt)
· FU2016 and God Bless America (Pat Libby)
· Luebbert Loves Lamp (Jeff Luebbert)
· Straight Outta Bloomington (Mark Hopper)
· Frank the Tank (Matt Clifford)
· Dancing with the Devil in the pale moonlight (Keir Novesky)
· Well, the squirrels are back in the attic. (Matt Powell)
This category is stacked
more than the East bracket! Wojt goes way back n the time machine to 1979 with
the Cadwallader callout. And “loves lamp”
is classic Anchorman. “Frank the Tank”
is also a classic, but too simple to be the winner. Nice B’town shout out by the Hopski with
Straight Outta Bloomington. Matt Powell
continued his streak of randomly pulling a name from whatever commercial is on
at the time he’s making his picks.
But the coveted Hopski Award goes to:
FU2016 and
God Bless America (Pat Libby)
Yes, that’s Frank Underwood and House of Cards… The most
recent season is next up in my Netflix queue for binge watching… Great show!
The
final Hopski of the night goes to the “Funniest/Most Creative Entry Name”,
which is analogous to “Best Picture” or “Best in Breed”. And the Nominees are:
· Made Mexico Pay for My Bracket (Rob Beck)
· HOP SKIp and a DUNK (Jeff Williams)
· Mid-Major Lives Matter (Beth Paul)
· Next year, my entry name will kick as$ (Mark Conlon)
· Beilein if I said I thought Michigan makes Tourney (Matt
Whip)
· You Rank ‘Em, We Spank ‘Em (Maddy Beck)
Very
nice play on words by Jeff Williams. And
the irony in the Mark Conlon’s “Next year…” entry is funny! With one Hopski already tonight, “Mid-Major”
returns as the first double nominee!
And the Hopski Award goes to:
Made
Mexico Pay for My Bracket (Rob Beck)
Viva la Mexico! You just can’t beat a good
politically charged entry name! I’m not
really sure how Mexico would be forced to pay for the wall, when they barely
have enough money to cover Rob’s $25 entry fee!
Video Daily Double
Last year’s video highlight category featured the “best
dancing at a hoops game”, which included the Detroit Piston Dance Cam with the
kid I never get tired of watching when I need a good laugh!
This year’s NCAA March Madness commercials featuring Charles
Barkley have been absolutely hilarious, as in, “man, that’s so not turrrrible”,
with my favorite seeing Charles singing the March Madness Anthem of “One
Shining Moment”:
Lastly, if you know Mark Hopper, then maybe you
already know “what’s wrong with him”, but I stumbled upon someone who has
written a book on “The Trouble with Mark Hopper”. I don’t think it’s a best seller, but it does
have lots of pictures, so it’s well suited for the King of the Hopski!
This
concludes the 2016 Hopski Awards! Even
though the number of quality Entry Names in this year’s pool is almost as low
as the number of qualified US Presidential candidates, I say, “Keep on
Reppin’”! After all, if a community
organizer can become President, then there’s certainly hope that you too could
someday win a Hopski.
So
until March 2017, if you can improve on your Entry Name creativity, then this
rundown will be much more fun and you’ll have made life a little bit sunnier
for everybody else… especially when we’re all busy “Making America Great
Again”!!! Next year is gonna be
HUUUUGGE, I promise you that! Until then, the “I Hate Laettner’s” wish you the
best of luck!
Keep
on Reppin’,
MP
